The Blessing of Differences

Psychologically romantic relationships tend to follow a pattern. In the beginning everything is all butterflies and excitement. Your similaries are just astounding and the differences are simply fascinating. As time passes and your relationship goes beyond the pre-fault phase (that being the time when you think your significant other is perfect), dis-satisfaction often begins to set in. Those same fascinating differences begin to drive you crazy, and you aren't as alike as you once thought. The secret to successful relationships is, apart from good communication, an appreciation and acceptance of differences.

I've been thinking lately of how friendships often follow the same pattern. Everyone remembers that best friend from childhood, when you were ten and shared those matched necklaces that said "Best Friends Forever", when you thought so much alike you completed each other's sentences, and arguments were virtually non-existent because you were soul sisters. Chances are some of you are still friends with one or more of these women in your adult life. But it is equally likely that as you both grew and matured, you lost that sameness that bound you together in the first place and drifted apart.

I think much of this has to do with the levels of and functions of friendship. For better or worse, we use our friends as mirrors in order to see various aspects of ourselves. In mature adult friendships, we do often begin friendships with people based upon similarities and shared experience. It is natural to be attracted (in a non-romantic sense) to people who have somewhat similar personalities. Things get interesting as the relationship matures beyond that matched point.

In some ways the mirror cracks eventually and differences arise. The image they have carried around of this person being "just like me" turns out to be false. There may even be a sense of betrayal for some. This may result in disagreements or arguments. A lot of friendships end at this point and the ensuing sense of isolation is great. The best ones though...they adapt. They mature and move beyond the simplistic use of that person as a mirror and into being a person in their own right. The differences may be baffling or irritating at times, but provided there is respect on both sides, generally, they are a blessing. Different perspectives, opinions, attitudes. All of these are ways of forcing one to think outside the box (or mirror as the case may be), which helps one to grow as a person beyond your initial potential.

So God bless broken mirrors.